I do not appreciate this being day 1,000 of my now perpetual cold. Ok, I kid but it certainly feels like the thousandth. I realize that the last few months have been filled with cold friendly sugar fueled holidays. Halloween, Thanksgiving, and now Christmas. Unfortunately I have not eaten nearly the amount of immune system lowering sugar that would warrant this intrusion.
Surely I have eaten enough garlic, onions, and mega vitamins to loosen your hold. I've grown quite attached to breathing through my nostrils that you have now blocked off. The dizziness and fever are not enjoyable. Especially since I smacked my head on the stove vent this morning when I leaned over a pot to inhale steam and fell forward. Oh and last night..are you proud of yourself for causing me to look in the fridge for my toast instead of in the toaster?
Furthermore, I do not think you and your henchmen need to infect my children every other week. Certainly, I realize that you love this comfortable home, and that my family are wonderful hosts, but I would like you to vacate the premises. NOW!
Your unloving host,
P.S. Take your threatening bacterial buddies with you.